a bit of an update

this is just an overview of the last couple days, foodwise at least. i'm going to write a loooong one later, because some crazy shit's happened lately and i need to vent, but i don't have enough time just now.

anyway
on thursday night, when i went out with sidney, i hadn't planned on eating much at all. but i gave in to the temptation of fresh double-choc subway cookies.
weak, i know.
i didn't really feel too bad for eating because it really wasn't that much, but i was feeling pretty sick physically. i wanted to purge but there wasn't any way that could have happened. anyway, we went home and watched some movies, and i ate a bit more. by then, i was disappointed in myself. but i told myself 'it's okay, i just won't eat tomorrow.'
butttt i did, some chips, yuck. that was about 1ish, i think. then that afternoon, shit went down, and i didn't eat anything more that day.

generally, i think of binging as being uncontrolled eating, or eating when i'm not hungry; eating just for the sake of eating, even if it's not a big amount.
so by that definition, i binged and purged three times today.
two of the times i ate, it wouldn't have been enough food to make up a normal person sized meal, but it was more than what i would usually allow myself to eat at one time, and i definitely wasn't eating because i 'needed' to. so, i'm calling it binging.
i was pretty much just eating so that i could throw up again.
crazy, i know.
i've really lost it lately.
i'm just glad that at least all that food isn't in my stomach.